What’s an interpersonal process group? probably not what you think.

Process groups are not merely spaces in which people process (reflect on, talk about) life experiences and past traumas. Rather, the word “process” has a specific meaning in this case and refers to the unfolding relationships amongst the people in the group; it refers to how group members feel toward one another in the moment. It also refers to something other than content.

Content is what usually comprises human conversations. By “content” I mean stories and ideas: such-and-such happened at work today; so-and-so pissed me off; I think XYZ about society, the educational system, God, politics, etc. While such content certainly does come up in process groups, it is only a springboard to something more relational and feelings based. Is some version of what happened at work happening in here right now? Whom in here are you pissed off at? Whom in here do you most want to know your thoughts about society, the educational system, God, politics, etc.? Why do you want them to know that about you? How do you want them to feel about it? How would it affect you if they felt that way?

The primary invitation of a process group is to put thoughts and feelings into words as they arise. If you feel hurt by someone, you say it. If you feel irritated with someone, or scared of them, or physically attracted to them, you say it. Process groups are a laboratory for studying emotions and relationships in the here and now, as the feelings are alive in us. They require vulnerability and courage, and a willingness to both impact and be impacted by others. They ask us to say things we’ve never said before, to let the parts of ourselves that normally stay hidden be seen and understood.

Process groups are not support groups. They can be immensely supportive, but unlike in support groups, members aren’t expected to behave in socially condoned ways. If you are tired of hearing someone talk about their life outside of group, you are encouraged to say so. We do our fellow group members a disservice by allowing them to bore us, because in our boredom we are no longer connected to them; they are losing our care and attention. And this probably happens in their everyday relationships, too, and nobody shares their feelings about it.

It is the job of the group leader to help people stay as much in the here and now as possible, to connect members to one another in new and deeper ways, and to foster what is both the goal and the means of process groups: progressive emotional communication.

benefits of group

  • connection

    People crave true connection now more than ever before, because we’re getting less and less of it. With so many of us in possession of our own private computers and cell phones, we no longer “have to” rely on other people for assistance. But we actually need to rely on other people in order to feel human. Group therapy is an opportunity to experience healthy interdependence with others. We can practice being vulnerable in the admission that we need someone’s support (or guidance, or validation, or even anger), and in turn we can be a source of support for others.

  • aliveness

    While there are many skills we can acquire in a process group and then use in our everyday lives and relationships, some benefits of group are only experienced in the group itself. Feeling alive is perhaps the greatest of such benefits. Most of us are so accustomed to not sharing our emotional experience in real time that it feels scary to do so—even when we’re sharing something positive! The heart beats faster, we feel a little shaky, our mouth gets dry, our throat constricts. We experience the thrumming physicality of ourselves, and it’s incredibly enlivening.

  • tolerance

    Participating in a process group not only expands our tolerance of people who are different from us (because it allows us to get beyond superficial labels), but it also increases our tolerance for sitting with our own difficult emotions. A typical knee-jerk reaction to an unpleasant feeling is to push it away, or cover it up with another feeling that isn’t as threatening to our sense of self. In learning to tolerate our own emotional experience, we can show up more for others’ emotional experiences, and therefore have more authentic and fulfilling relationships.

current groups

  • This ongoing group is for people living with chronic pain and other health conditions. We'll be working in the here-and-now (right alongside the body), putting thoughts, feelings, and sensations into words as they arise, preferably toward other people in the room. All those unexpressed emotions that could be contributing to pain and other symptoms are encouraged to be voiced. The parts of ourselves that usually get suppressed in "normal" social settings are invited to see the light of day, with the goal of intrapersonal integration and interpersonal connection and intimacy. The fee is $50 per session, with at least two one-on-one intake sessions ($125 each) required before joining. Feel free to check out my podcast episode about chronic pain, and my episode about chronic illness, to get a better sense of my interest in this work. Meeting day and time TBD, based on interest.

  • This ongoing group meets from 9–10:30 A.M. every Monday to practice putting thoughts and feelings into words as they arise, preferably toward other people in the room. It’s open to all walks of life and all genders. The fee is $50 per session, with at least two one-on-one intake sessions ($125 each) required before joining. WAITLIST ONLY.

  • This ongoing group for therapists meets from 4–5:30 P.M. every Monday to practice putting thoughts and feelings into words as they arise, preferably toward other people in the room. The fee is $75 per session, with at least two one-on-one intake sessions ($150 each) required before joining. I co-lead this group with Chris Byrne. 2 SEATS AVAILABLE.

  • This ongoing group meets from 2–3:30 P.M. every Tuesday to practice putting thoughts and feelings into words as they arise, preferably toward other people in the room. It’s open to anyone who’s interested in Buddhism, mindfulness, or spirituality in general. We start with a 10-minute silent meditation. The fee is $50 per session, with at least two one-on-one intake sessions ($125 each) required before joining. 3 SEATS AVAILABLE.

  • This ongoing group meets from 4–5:30 P.M. every Friday to practice putting thoughts and feelings into words as they arise, preferably toward other people in the room. It’s open to all walks of life and all genders. The fee is $50 per session, with at least two one-on-one intake sessions ($125 each) required before joining. WAITLIST ONLY.

  • This group meets on Zoom on the last Wednesday of every month to discuss a different spiritual/philosophical book that I’ve explored on my podcast, Time & Other Thieves. Along with this more intellectual practice, we also have the intention, as in a process group, to put thoughts and feelings into words as they arise, preferably toward other people in the group. The fee is $60 per session. Feel free to check out the episode I made about this very unique group. 2 SEATS AVAILABLE.