an interpersonal process
group
Probably
Isn’t
What
you
think.

Process groups are not merely spaces in which people process (reflect on, talk about) life experiences and past traumas. Rather, the word “process” has a specific meaning in this case and refers to the unfolding relationships amongst the people in the group; it refers to how group members feel toward one another in the moment. It also refers to something other than content.

Content is what usually comprises human conversations. By “content” I mean stories and ideas: such-and-such happened at work today; so-and-so pissed me off; I think XYZ about society, the educational system, God, politics, etc. While such content certainly does come up in process groups, it is only a springboard to something more relational and feelings based. Is some version of what happened at work happening in here right now? Whom in here are you pissed off at? Whom in here do you most want to know your thoughts about society, the educational system, God, politics, etc.? Why do you want them to know that about you? How do you want them to feel about it? How would it affect you if they felt that way?

The primary invitation of a process group is to put thoughts and feelings into words as they arise. If you feel hurt by someone, you say it. If you feel irritated with someone, or scared of them, or physically attracted to them, you say it. Process groups are a laboratory for studying emotions and relationships in the here and now, as the feelings are alive in us. They require vulnerability and courage, and a willingness to both impact and be impacted by others. They ask us to say things we’ve never said before, to let the parts of ourselves that normally stay hidden be seen and understood.

Process groups are not support groups. They can be immensely supportive, but unlike in support groups, members aren’t expected to behave in socially condoned ways. If you are tired of hearing someone talk about their life outside of group, you are encouraged to say so. We do our fellow group members a disservice by allowing them to bore us, because in our boredom we are no longer connected to them; they are losing our care and attention. And this probably happens in their everyday relationships, too, and nobody shares their feelings about it.

It is the job of the group leader to help people stay as much in the here and now as possible, to connect members to one another in new and deeper ways, and to foster what is both the goal and the means of process groups: progressive emotional communication.

benefits of group

  • connection

    People crave true connection now more than ever before, because we’re getting less and less of it. With so many of us in possession of our own private computers and cell phones, we no longer “have to” rely on other people for assistance. But we actually need to rely on other people in order to feel human. Group therapy is an opportunity to experience healthy interdependence with others. We can practice being vulnerable in the admission that we need someone’s support (or guidance, or validation, or even anger), and in turn we can be a source of support for others.

  • aliveness

    While there are many skills we can acquire in a process group and then use in our everyday lives and relationships, some benefits of group are only experienced in the group itself. Feeling alive is perhaps the greatest of such benefits. Most of us are so accustomed to not sharing our emotional experience in real time that it feels scary to do so—even when we’re sharing something positive! The heart beats faster, we feel a little shaky, our mouth gets dry, our throat constricts. We experience the thrumming physicality of ourselves, and it’s incredibly enlivening.

  • tolerance

    Participating in a process group not only expands our tolerance of people who are different from us (because it allows us to get beyond superficial labels), but it also increases our tolerance for sitting with our own difficult emotions. A typical knee-jerk reaction to an unpleasant feeling is to push it away, or cover it up with another feeling that isn’t as threatening to our sense of self. In learning to tolerate our own emotional experience, we can show up more for others’ emotional experiences, and therefore have more authentic and fulfilling relationships.

Why I love Group

  • Spiritual Practice

    Because of their here-and-now focus, l like to think of process groups as a type of interpersonal meditation. The work feels deeply spiritual to me, in that it asks us to become more of ourselves, which I see as the most profound and precious task this life assigns to all of us. What is it you’re too afraid to say? Who would you be if you actually said it?

  • Never-ending Study

    I’m a student at heart, and group meets my need for learning like nothing else can. It not only invites us to study our own inner world, which is infinite, but also the inner worlds of others, and how those worlds interact. I’m convinced that even a small group of four or five people could meet every week for decades and never run out of study material.

  • No Small Talk

    As an introvert, I am easily drained by most social scenarios in which people talk about their lives rather than live their lives with me, right in front of me. In helping people verbalize their feelings in the moment, I have more access to my own creative energy, which too often goes to psychically managing others’ unexpressed emotions.

  • Personal Growth

    I benefit as much (if not more) from leading groups as my members do from participating in them. My confidence and self-compassion have grown exponentially since I stepped into this role. I will never be a perfect group leader or member, and this knowledge frees me up to get better with each session, trusting the process that is me.